Some people search for the way they are feeling in the words of a song. I search for mine in photos. And I am struggling to find one to fit the feelings I have been feeling the past two days. All I can really say is that the crap that goes through my mind all day is about as good as a tragic car accident. What is messed up inside of me is effecting every area of my life. Its like I have an arch enemy that lives right inside of me.
Florence + The Machine - What The Water Gave Me :) <3
(Source: youtube.com)
“People always ask me, ‘You have so much confidence. Where did that come from?’ It came from me. One day I decided that I was beautiful, and so I carried out my life as if I was a beautiful girl … It doesn’t have anything to do with how the world perceives you. What matters is what you see. Your body is your temple, it’s your home, and you must decorate it.”
—Gabourey Sidibe—
So I’m spending my day off today with my mom, because that almost never happens. I of course rolled right out of bed, put on my sweater I’ve been wearing for 3 years now, put my hair in a bun and walked out the door. We later venture over to SuperCuts, because my mom wanted to get a $16 haircut. And while sitting there looking at the cheesy haircut example books, I start to do something I so often do… checking other girls out. Not in a gross way of course, but in a “I like her hair color”, “why can’t my skin look like that?” kind of way. And I just got to thinking. Why can’t I look like her? What is stopping me? I am old enough and wise enough to know that not every girl, no matter how hard she tries, is going to look like the girls in the magazines. Not even the girls in the magazines look like the girls in the magazines. But everyday I just roll out of bed, put on my work clothes (black everything), brush my hair and go. I give no effort to the way I look, and then I get pissed off when a pretty girl passes me, and I want to know “Why can’t I look like that?” But the real question is….
What actually happens when I try??? <3
I hate how the world revolves around money. My biggest dream right now is to have my own house. Right now we are renting (because of the lack of money), and I cannot decorate in the least bit. I feel like I am such a creative person, and I feel trapped because I cant express my creativity at all, with all this peach carpet and white walls everywhere. One day I will have the most creative, awesome house ever.
My greatest desire is to love my life as I am living it.
